The Currency of Connection: Honoring Reciprocity in Life & Business
At the start of 2024, I vowed to a “year of reciprocity”. A year in which relationships and business deals felt mutual in support, effort and value. This didn’t necessarily mean I cleaned out the people and business I have currently, but simply recognized the desire for balanced exchanges of care — Exchanges that carried appreciation, consistency, kindness, and honestly… Love. Thus began the journey of developing a framework in life where “reciprocity” became the bedrock of everything I made decisions around.
Today, I dive into the intricacies of reciprocity: navigating the balance act of unmet expectations while simultaneously holding hope for more fulfilling relationship outcomes, building a business around mutual support vs. transactional exchanges, and practical applications to honor reciprocity [your value and others] in your day to day interactions.
Recognizing the Imbalance: Navigating Unmet Expectations
We've all experienced the discomfort of friendships or relationships where it feels like we're pouring our energy and time into someone who can't reciprocate in the same measure—perhaps due to differing life circumstances or priorities, but sometimes unfortunately due to lack of care. The pain of unbalanced exchanges can leave us feeling depleted, unseen, and even resentful.
Sometimes, the feelings of unmet expectations don’t come from lack of time or commitment, but rather someone’s inability to hear and understand you. It’s as if a filter of protection is between you and them, leaving both parties more disconnected than ever.
As a single 30-something, I had to learn in my 20’s that my married friends would never fully comprehend what it feels like to lose a friend to… marriage… or kids. Nor do I know the transition of being the single person who suddenly is married and lugging kids around everywhere you go. At times, I felt fully seen and heard by married friends, and other times I felt we were living in completely different worlds. I never adjusted perfectly, but I have come to recognize when my married mom friends showed up for me in the best way they knew how. I never lost hope in genuine friendships with them, rather reframed my expectations of them.
On the other hand, I see the times where I functioned in survival mode with my work, and due to lack of boundaries, I neglected time spent with friends and family.
Honoring Reciprocity in Relationships Looks Like:
Understanding it isn't always about equal give-and-take but rather about mutual respect for each other's capacities and needs.
Recognizing when certain connections may not be able to provide the support we seek and seeking out those that can.
Actively listening to each other and responding with love, not judgement.
Reciprocity in relationships often sits at the heart of our deepest joys and most profound pains. It's in these connections where the stakes feel highest, where unbalanced exchanges of care and support can cause the deepest wounds. Through honest communication, setting healthy boundaries, and managing expectations, I've learned to cultivate relationships that honor the natural ebb and flow of reciprocity.
Beyond Transaction: Building Businesses on the Foundation of Mutual Support
Reciprocity in business can either be the most simple to fix, or the most complicated—And it truly depends on one’s ability to respect the dynamic of Employer-Employee (or Client-Contractor) as one that impacts performance. Distrust in business is woven into the fabric of the Marketplace, with business owners a lot of times feeling workers don’t reach expectations, and workers feeling business owners/leadership don’t see the efforts put in.
Early in my career, I had hard work ethic, but being that I was learning a skill (coordination), I truly didn’t think I had value. So began my journey of overcompensating by always saying yes, but never asking for a raise in return. It wasn’t until I went on my own 8 years into my career that I realized what I’m capable of doing for businesses, and then having the confidence to raise my rate. I don’t raise my rate just for the sake of making more money—I know a business owner can expect high-performance, better team collaboration, and more efficient processes when partnering with me. I know an overwhelmed business owner can go from a 60 hour work week to 10 hours, simply by taking my guidance and implementing it. I am doing my clients and myself a major disservice when the money exchange does not match the output of service, because eventually I will feel burnt out and quality will deteriorate. Likewise, I also don’t want to overcharge in an area that I know I can’t deliver quality work.
Honoring Reciprocity in Business Looks Like:
A healthy business partnership or work environment thriving off fair and generous compensation, with the expectation of excellent performance attached to it.
Mutual respect and appreciation for the time, effort, and devotion invested by all parties involved.
Shared goals and expectations, transparent communication, and respect—ultimately enhancing the bottom line.
Reciprocity in business provides a nuanced dance so you don’t overcompensate, over-give, or overdeliver, while also ensuring fair compensation, generosity, and delivery.
From Promise to Practice: Walking Out Reciprocity in Daily Life
Sometimes reciprocity sounds like a beautiful ideal that often feels distant and intangible in the hustle of daily life. Yet, I've come to realize that true fulfillment lies in turning this promise into practice, actively threading reciprocity into the tapestry of my interactions. It's about cherishing the value in every exchange, no matter how small, and embracing each opportunity to offer support and understanding.
Here are are few ways you can practice Reciprocity in your day to day:
Notice areas in your life where you could either be over-giving (or under-giving) in love, support, communication, or effort. Do you feel balanced with these exchanges, or unbalanced? What needs to happen to balance your interactions? This could look like communicating more or less, or investing more in your balanced exchanges. It’s key to not see this as a game of give-and-take, but rather a recognition of value [Do you have capacity for them? And do they have capacity for you?].
Seek to understand others. We all want to be heard and understood. Your relationships will improve significantly when you truly listen and aim to understand why someone feels the way they do. You also build trust with others when you approach conversations this way.
Listen to people and respond. Ask people questions about themselves.
Be generous with time, resources, and efforts if your life allows. Notice the areas where others are generous.
Care about others. Like genuinely care about how you speak to them, how you show up for them, and the types of comments that you say. The last thing you want is to tell someone they’re your favorite person, yet judgement and negativity come out of your mouth.
Continuing the Journey: Exploring Reciprocity Together
Moving forward, I'm excited to dive deeper into the topic of reciprocity, sharing insights and experiences that resonate with others on this journey. Through ongoing reflection and dialogue, I aim to expand the conversation, offering practical strategies and fostering a community centered around embracing reciprocity in all aspects of life. Whether through blog posts, discussions, or workshops, I look forward to continuing to build upon this topic and to share in the collective growth and learning that it inspires.